How to Publish Kindle Books

For the past few weeks, often bravely battling on despite the wintery weather, I have been playing with sorbets and granitas. It’s hell writing cookbooks! Now, at last, I have tried all my ideas, taken pics, written about the recipes, eaten the results and finally published a little ebook which looks like this!

It is really as an addendum to my ice cream book because there were some ideas and recipes I wanted to include but they didn't fit.

There is, however, even more to this story. After writing my ice cream book which I originally titled “Lush Ice Cream without a Machine” but have now slightly re-named as “100+ Luscious Ice Creams without a Machine”, it occurred to me that I know several other useful, super-flexible base recipes. I have therefore devised a cunning plan.

I have decided to publish a few more eBooks each one dedicated to one of these key recipes under the series title “Suzy Bowler’s Key Recipes”.

So, after I uploaded “Sorbets and Granitas” I adjusted my ice cream book a little, to bring it in line with this new series of which, to be fair, it was the first.  Don’t worry if you've already bought it, all the recipes are the same, I've just added links to this new book and more photos. Click here to have a look at it in detail or even buy it – surely it will be spring soon!

For some reason this caused me all sorts of problems and I spent the whole day “sitting on the settee” (as my darling calls it even though I was on a hard wooden chair) trying to upload it to Amazon. I still don’t know what the problem was. Sometimes the photos were in the wrong place when I previewed the book, sometimes it just wouldn't upload. I did exactly the same as I usually do and as this is my 5^th self-published ebook (read about the whole set here) I have uploaded, so far), I am befuddled.

Anyway it worked in the end and I have no idea why it did, either! I think it was probably a glitch on Amazon rather than something I was doing wrong – I’m never wrong!

So as I am never wrong here, briefly, is how I (usually successfully) prepare, convert and upload my ebooks.

To prepare a book for Amazon Kindle

~   Have the finished document in Word.

~   Add any photos in their correct place using the insert photo method (not copy and paste or anything else!). Pictures should ideally be in the proportions 9:1I. I usually make mine 900 pixels wide but sometimes less than 1100 pixels high, that just means it doesn’t fill the page.

~   Modify the “Normal” Style to Times New Roman, font size 12, single line space. Within Normal set the Paragraph style to 6 points after a paragraph and 6 points indent, if you like, for a new paragraph.  Save these modifications.

~   Highlight the whole document (press cntrl A) and set it all to Normal.

~   You will now have to go through the document re-setting such things as centring, bold and italic.  Don’t have any unusual fonts or anything larger than 14.

~   If in some places, such as lists of ingredients in my case, you don’t want a break after a line or paragraph press Shift/Enter instead of just Enter.   

To convert a book for Amazon Kindle

~   Save the prepared document as Web Page, Filtered to Desktop.  You will then see this …

~   Say YES.

~   Right click on the document on your desktop (as it is now in HTML it will be have the same icon as your browser), go down to Send To and select compressed zip file.

~   If your document included photos open the zip file that has appeared on the desktop using Windows Explorer.

~   There should also have appeared a separate folder on the desktop containing your photos. Drag and drop this into the zip file you have just opened with Windows Explorer.

To upload a book to Amazon’s Kindle

~   Go to Amazon’s Kindle Direct Publishing.

~   Sign up, log in and follow the instructions!

Easy Peasy (Usually Pusually)!

Free Book!

Speaking of self-published books, if you’d like a copy of my “219 Cooking Tips & Techniques you might find useful” pop over to Sudden Lunch and click the link in the sidebar.  There is an option to sign up for my Sudden Lunch! posts to be delivered straight to your inbox, it’s not compulsory but you might like them!

A Blog Chain Virgin in the Virgin Islands

This post is a little different as I have been invited to take part in a Blog Chain – a first for me and quite exciting.  The basic idea is that the initiator decides on a topic, writes about it and then nominates another blogger or bloggers to do the same.  I am the last of this current chain, scroll to end of this post for earlier links.

Wendy Percival who writes contemporary mysteries inspired by genealogy and family secrets nominated me, bless her. Read about her newly published book “Blood-Tied” (which I shall be searching out as soon as I return to Cornwall) here and visit her blog about writing here where you can read her link in the chain.

These are the four questions which are the subject of this post:

1)    What am I working on?
2)    How does my work differ from others of its genre or type?
3)    Why do I write what I do?
4)    How does my writing process work?

They look quite simple but I’m not so sure, here goes.

What am I working on?

Lots of things, that’s why I’m so confused!

I have written and published four ebooks on Amazon Kindle, I enjoy doing them, the independence they give me from all the palaver involved in traditional publishing and the small pittance that I occasionally receive from Amazon. 

Details of these ebooks can be found here 

I am currently in the Caribbean where I used to live and where (very sadly for me) we are packing up our remaining belongings and selling our boat as a final break with the place.  This seems a good time to write about my experiences as a chef here so I am starting on that as an ebook.

There has been talk of publishing a sequel to my real grown up book “The Leftovers Handbook” which, despite what I said above about the publishing process, I am very proud of.  I am not sure if this second book, about cooking from the store cupboard, will go ahead but I am collecting ideas and recipes just in case.

I also have lists of ideas to pitch to magazines, things to post in my blog and lots more 
ideas for ebooks.

How does my work differ from others of its genre or type?

If it does differ then it may be because of my diverse cooking experiences not only in England and the Caribbean but also in The Canaries, France, Madeira, New Zealand (and maybe other places too that have slipped my mind!) including working on a passage making yacht and a day trip catamaran and living, cooking and eating in camper vans, caravans and living on a boat for 16 years. Also I like to think, when writing, that I am chatting to a friend so am not too formal.

Why do I write what I do?

Well one big reason is that I am so irritated with the way people eat, the lack of basic food knowledge, and the waste of perfectly enjoyable good food simply because people don’t know what to do with it.  Also I feel I have learnt so much it would be a good idea to pass it on! Oh - and I enjoy it, of course.

How does my writing process work?

I’m not sure it is organised enough to be called a process.  Once I have decided on a subject I make a “collection” of everything I might want to include from background info, quotes and anecdotes to, of course, recipes and foodie ideas.  If there is enough to make something worth reading I then sort it under various headings and start writing. Anything I am not sure of I type in red to go back to. Any information from elsewhere I type in purple so as not to plagiarise anyone. I test recipes that I am not totally sure of, take pics and go for it!  Part of the “process” involves grabbing any opportunity I can to write when my real man doesn’t have the telly on which really distracts me!

Links in the chain:

I can’t find the start of the chain (!) but here are the most recent ones:

Sandra Warren ~ Sandra Warren Writes
Debbie Nance ~ 2 Weavers 

Story Juggler

Erin Albert 

Anita Davison ~ The Disorganised Author
Samantha Tonge
Patsy Collins ~ 

Wendy Clarke ~ Wendy's Writing Now
Tracy Fells

Sally Jenkins

Debbie Young

Wendy Percival

Me!!!

Boost your Libido!

Just a quickie because "unfortunately" I am in the Caribbean (my home for many years) where there is limited internet access but unlimited sun, rum and good friends.

Ever since I started writing my father in law (who passed on 18 months ago … but see here for a picture of him in his magnificent youth!) said that I shouldn't waste my time writing about food, I should write about sex as that it what sells.

I have very slightly taken his advice and written a short ebook on aphrodisiacs …

Just 94p ~ please click here to at least have a look inside.

I did a fair bit of research (or “sitting on the settee” as my real man calls it) to come up with what seem to be the 17 most-likely-to-be-aphrodisiac foods and then given some background on each one, some ideas of what to do with them plus a recipe or two and a little bit about their nutritional benefits as they relate to the libido. 

Naturally I have also included a few rather suggestive food photos (sadly I couldn't muster one for all 17 foods), some rude comments and some double entendres.

Easy Festive Food

… for a Relaxing Christmas

I’ve just published this eBooklet on Amazon.  As I say in the intro, Christmas catering can be time consuming, tiring and a bit stressy, so I thought I’d offer some suggestions to make it quicker, easier, more relaxed and perhaps more impressive! This eBooklet contains a collection of quick ideas and recipesI have used over the years to impress guests and customers without knackering myself!

The booklet contains over 20 (it’s 24 actually but it seems people always say over something!) recipes which can either be made well in advance or are almost instant.  They are …

~   Mulled Wine Syrup – really useful!

~   Moose Milk

~   Simple Cook from Frozen Cheese Straws

~   Lemon & Spice Marinated Shrimp

~   Smoked Trout Rillettes

~   The Quickest, Easiest, Smoothest and Richest Chicken Liver Pâté I know

~   Roasted Garlic with a Creamy Goat Cheese Concoction

~   Fruity Red Cabbage

~   Carrot & Parsnip Purée
~   Roast Butternut Wedges

~   Luxurious Bread Sauce

~   Simple Homemade Stuffing Recipe

~   Chunky Homemade Cranberry Sauce

~   Rather Special Mulled Cranberry Sauce

~   Little Pots of Chocky Ganache 

~   Caramel Cream

~   Affogato

~   Stock with a bonus!

~   Turkey Soup – inevitably!
~   Brandy Butter

~   Christmas Pud Pudding

~   The Best Christmas Pudding Ice Cream

~   Sticky Stollen Thing

~   Christmas Tiffin

In addition are guidelines for the turkey, roast potatoes etc. and lots of ideas and suggestions that don’t quite qualify as recipes but are worth knowing.

The book is sub-divided into two sections; food for the “Big Dinner” and “Boxing Day and Thereafter” (ie. what to do with the leftovers; my favourite ingredients.)

It’s only 75p and you can have a Look Inside first here.

Yule be glad you read it!

Paper.li ~ useful-ish and fun!

As you may or may not know I "publish" or "host" or whatever it is a couple of Paper.li newsletters;

Click here

Click here

Now that you have clicked on the above two links I trust you will click "share" or "subscribe" or, ideally, both! 

The reason I started these two papers was, of course, in an attempt to promote my writing and my blogs but they do seem rather random and even reading my own issues I have learned a lot!  In fact in one of my earliest editions of Lush Ice Cream News was this headline ...

Cat Snores Into Glass Of Orange Juice For No Apparent Reason 

... and it doesn't get much better than that, does it?

If you are unfamiliar with Paper.li then, briefly, what happens is you set up a newspaper thingy concerning your area of interest and then you designate various websites, twits and facebook pages plus some appropriate keywords and every day or week, your decision, Paper.li collect together relevant items into a new edition of your paper, email it to subscribers and mention it on Twitter.

This method means that unless you are very stringent with sources and keywords some interesting stuff crops up.  I subscribe to a number of Paper.li papers:

~   The @FoodMeditations Daily 

~   The Food Stuff Extra Daily   This recently linked to a version of Van Morrison's "Into the Mystic".  Well what a treat! I love Mr. Morrison and, I kid you not, I once had dinner with him, just him and me, at his invitation!  Anyhoo my point is - what has this to do with food? 

~   The British Cheese Daily  Often very interesting but frequently not about cheese.

~   The FoodiesSW Daily - don't tell Olive Magazine, "foodie" is one of their banned words!  They recently linked to a story about this rather attractive older gentleman who at 50 still gets asked if he's old enough to buy booze.  Weak link but pleasant!

~   On #writing 

~   The Click Cornwall Daily  - because I live here.

~   The Caribbean Travel Daily - because I used to live there

You get the picture, I'm often tempted to sign up for more but reading them takes up so much time every day; they can be fascinating.

And why am I telling you this?  Well 3 reasons ...

1.   Another attempt to promote myself, I have no shame.

2.   In case you have not heard of this way of getting your work out there.

3.   So that you too can waste hours reading all sorts useful info, plus irrelevant but interesting stuff.

If you fancy having a go click here. 

I have a favour to ask of you!  

FOOD - the South Wests favourite food magazine have just launched their third Food Reader awards. Please go to my foodie blog Sudden Lunch and click this logo in the sidebar to nominate your favourite chefs, restaurant, retailers and more in the South West. May I suggest Sudden Lunch as the Best Food Blogger?  

After that browse their site, you won't be disappointed.

Thank you,

Suzy 

Jamie Oliver vs Me!

I have cooked imaginatively with leftovers both personally and in my role as a professional chef, my entire, and now fairly lengthy, adult life.  I have not only cooked this way to save money (although it really, really helps!) and because in some places I have worked food supplies have been tricky but also because that's just the way I am.  I like nothing more than to be confronted with a mix of foodie bits and pieces and make something cohesive and delicious from them.  To be fair I do not claim, as Jamie does, to "shop smart" although I am a bugger for the bargains but, as I say in the intro to my book ...

"The Leftovers Handbook is about getting the utmost pleasure out of every single scrap of food available to you.  The waste it tackles is not so much about money or resources but of good eating opportunities.  As a bonus, of course, this will save you money and may even help the planet."

And it is my book that I want to have a bit of a moan about today!  I worked long and hard on this and I am very proud of it.  The recipes and ideas are my own, often cooked by me in less than perfect conditions (in a small and crappy caravan and on boats both at sea and at anchor for instance) so I am pretty sure they will work in bedsits and other cramped conditions. 

I have been very excited to see how my book is doing (rather hampered by some problems with BT - see here) and now I feel I might be upstaged by someone with less aptitude for this particular task, offering less useful information (but lots of pretty pictures) just because he is a "name".  I am not trying to diss the guy in any way but surely frugality is not his area of expertise. 

Below are some quick comparisons I have cobbled together, if I think of any more I'm sure I'll mention them later! As I say I do keep an eye on how things are going Amazon-wise and see that today my book is ranking at # 7,897 with 13 five star reviews and no others and Jamie's is at # 1 with 15 five stars, 3 four stars, 3 three stars and 4 rather cross 1 stars.  

So if it's not price or amount of info or qualifications or customer satisfaction that makes celebrity chefs' books so popular then it must be ...?  What is a girl to do?

o              120 Recipes o              The book covers 5 main groups; Vegetables, Chicken, Fish, Beef, Pork and Lamb but seemingly no desserts, salads, breakfast dishes etc.  o              Written by a wealthy TV chef (although I do realise he may have started out poor!  I know I certainly did.) o              Cover price £26.00 - reduced to £19.00 on Amazon o              Lots of photos

o              Over 500 Recipes + tips, ideas, cooks treats, handy hints, (jokes, quotes and other interesting stuff) and including 30+ flexible Basic Recipes. o              My book deals with over 450 possible leftovers from something as normal as bread (18+ ideas and recipes) through all the different fruits, veggies, meats, fish, nuts, seeds, beans, rice, cheese etc. to obscure bits and pieces such as chicken fat and pineapple cores and even things as unlikely as chocolate and booze - I've tried to cover the lot.   o              Written by a widely travelled real chef who is, incidentally nowhere near flush with money (might be all that travelling!)  o              Cover price £12.99 reduced to £7.16  on Amazon and £6.80 for the Kindle version  o              No photos!!  This is because the publishers felt that there is so much information in the book there is not room for pictures without putting the price up considerably. In a way, however, I am pleased about this.  Pictures of food arranged by a stylist and photographed by a professional can be more daunting than useful!   My photos, however, of food cooked by me, arranged by me, photographed by me and then eaten by me can be seen on Pinterest Leftovers ~ my favourite Ingredients!

British Telecom ~ what a Fiasco!

Please help me with this BT fiasco!  

Here I am on my weekly internet update using my friend Carol's connection - thank God for friends.

This post concerns, again, BT's terrible "customer service" by which I do not mean that of the 17 sympathetic and helpful (as far as they do anything) individuals who I've spoken to trying to get this sorted out, I mean the supervisors, managers etc who are supposed to actually get the work done.

Please Help!

Does anyone know of any good places to rant, complain, campaign etc to get the ??? out in the open.  If you do please let me know in a comment or on Facebook Link, Twitter Link etc.  It will of course take me a while to see your ideas due to the problem but all ideas would be welcome.  

Just to let you know we still have no phone or internet even though it is now over a month after the line was disconnected and the work not done.  My two or three previous posts will give more detail.

Having received no reply from Warren Buckley or his office to my letter sent on 12^th August I am now re-sending it with the following Addenda giving an update on what has (or mostly hasn't) happened since then.

"

~ Addenda to previously sent letter which is attached ~

19^th August

A guy called to say BT would be putting traffic lights up outside our house on 22^nd August although he couldn't say when the work would actually be done. Naively and hopefully I thought that if traffic lights are put up on a Thursday the work might be completed by the weekend, especially if that weekend is to be a Bank Holiday.

22^nd August

We kept looking to see if the traffic lights were there and when none had appeared by about 5.30 pm I rang 0800 800 150 and bugger me if I didn't get through within minutes to a sensible girl in England!!!  She was very helpful indeed and got in touch with the engineers who told her that the lights were scheduled to be assembled at 7.00 pm.  They also said that the distribution box was full and so they needed to split the line or something before completing the work.  Bearing in mind that all we are asking for is an extension of our existing line 20 yards down the garden and in fact first asked for this a couple of months ago I was (and am) surprised this hadn't been done by now..

I said to the lady on the phone how very helpful she had been and she said that to tell the truth this had been a learning curve for her too, she was surprised about the traffic lights, the line being disconnected, the delay in getting on with the work and the lack of communication herself.

At 7.00 there was a Traffic Lights van outside and bollards had been placed for some way along the road. 

We had dinner, looked out again, all gone!!!

23^rd August

BT called on my mobile to say that they needed to do some work at the exchange first and would update us by 8.00 pm that day.  They didn't.  I tried called the number given on the mobile and got a recorded message which said ...

"We tried to call you but there was no answer ... you have not been charged for this call."

... which is utter rubbish as they had called me and spoken to me and I was just trying to speak to them again!  The number in this case was 0888 0285085.

24^th August

I called 0800 800 150 and spoke to guy in India who, again, was sympathetic and helpful.  He said he could see the matter was in the hands of a facilitator (he said this was to speed things up!) but couldn't say who this was.  He said he would put a note on the file saying how disgusted I am not only at having no phone or internet for so very long but at the total lack of courtesy in BT's way of dealing with the matter.  He said

"Having heard your story, believe me, it won't be a polite note!

He also said that as it is now a bank holiday he would try to ensure that someone calls me by 8.00 pm on Tuesday 27^th August but that he would not lie to me, this did not mean the work would be done then!

27^th August

Having received no reply from Warren Buckley or his office to my letter (above) sent on 12^th August I am now re-sending it with this addenda to update you/him/them on what has (or rather mostly hasn't) happened since last I wrote.

So that's 17 people now, another un-returned call, a phone number which it is unable to contact and now more than a month since the work was due to be completed.  It is also 15 days since I wrote to you but no reply - perhaps this lack of communication is company policy!  

"

Any Thoughts? 

If you can think of any way of going public and letting people know how bad this "service" is (and as BT is huge and almost a monopoly I realise it is difficult to fight or even do without it) please either let me know, or them!!

I thank you,

PS.  BT have just called me to say that they couldn't do the work on Friday "as there was a car parked in t he way" which is, of course, utter rubbish and probably a lie!  Firstly because why did they take down the traffic lights on Thursday evening if they had intended to do the work Friday and, secondly, surely "engineers" have the brains to knock on our door to see if we own or know who owns the car so that it can be moved.

I am incandescent.

I never realised how important Twitter etc. are!

I first started using Facebook when a friend of mine got married in Perth, Australia and posted her wedding pics on FB (hello Telly Tubby x) and since then it has been a very useful way to keep in touch with far away friends that we miss in the Caribbean .

When Twitter first started at first it sounded a bit silly to me and you know it, or some of the Tweople who use it, are Very Silly Indeed or worse.  Nevertheless I joined up, started tweeting and have a little over 1,000 followers.  Sometimes it is quite fun and sometimes useful and informative. 

I find Pinterest a great way to store photos, both mine and other people's, in the cloud - a kind of online scrapbook and also a way to publicise my work. My book "The Leftovers Handbook", the publishers felt, is so full of information there is no room for photos so I put them on Pinterest just in case anyone is interested.

Stumble upon can be a great timewaster and I used to get stuck on it for hours, in fact one day a very spooky thing happened to me on Stumble Upon see here LINK

Blogging has become a regular and enjoyable habit for me and I am trying to keep it going during this troublesome time

I did not realise, however, until my recent (and continuing)BT Fiasco quite how useful a marketing tool networking is.

Since publication sales of my book The Leftovers Handbook have generally hovered in Amazon's rank at about 30,000 (the lower the number the better the sales) give or take a few thousand until BT disconnected our phone line.  See how sales immediately dropped soon after I stopped networking and then how they shot up again after I spent a day online at my friend's house.

I thought this might just be a fluke but it happened again the following week rather more spectacularly ...

... and I fully expect the same thing to happen in the next few days (fingers etc. crossed).

Of course when I am fully operational I don't just promote my own books and blogs I comment on other people's thoughts and ideas, make suggestions, joke, retweet things I find interesting, have conversations and generally post things I think funny haha or funny peculiar.  This is all very well but sometimes I've been doing it for hours and have to remind myself to get on with "important" things and stop playing!

Hopefully I shall be back online on or around or just after the weekend, perhaps, and can get back to my tweeting and in the meantime here is a bit of heartfelt networking I saw from the bus recently ...

“Without promotion something terrible happens… Nothing!” ~ P.T. Barnum

Sadly, thanks to BT, this is exactly the situation I now find myself in.  The story so far ... (I'm sorry if you read some of this in my last post!)

Back story ...

1. We live in a house with a barn at the end of the garden.  We have converted the barn and are moving into it for the next year (or maybe for ever) whilst we gut and renovate the house. 
2. My book "The Leftovers Handbook" has recently been published and I both urgently and constantly need phone and internet access for marketing it. I have sent out press releases and magazine pitches via email and need to respond immediately to replies. I tweet and use Facebook, Linkedin and other social media, all of which have a positive effect on sales and keeping my name and my book in people's minds.  My agent, publishers and publicist communicate via a joint Dropbox in the cloud which now, of course, is not available to me.
3. Even more importantly we have a family member with terminal cancer and need to be in touch with him (so far he is still living alone in his own home in Newcastle) on a daily basis.

The transfer of the line was arranged for Friday 26^th July between 8.00 am and 1.00 pm.

Friday 26^th July

•                     No-one showed up all morning but in good faith we completed moving our home into the barn. At 12.55 pm our phone line was disconnected and about 15 minutes later I received a text message on my mobile thus ...

"We are really apologize (sic) that the engineer could not visit your new address to activate the telephone line.  Reason for Delay: Job Delayed with TRAFFIC MANAGEMENT.  Next Update Friday 16 /08/13.  We will keep you updated so that you needn't call us back.  Thank You Bt (sic)"

•                     We borrowed our neighbours' phone to call the 0800 number (0800 800 150) and were held in a line for about 20 minutes. I then spoke to a very helpful and sympathetic girl in India who gave me the number to call. It was 0800 800 150! 

•                     I called again and got to talk to a guy in Birmingham who was also very helpful and he got in touch with the engineers who told him that the work could not be done because "it is a very busy road" and they need clearance from the council.  Seemingly they assume a road is quiet till proved otherwise! 

•                     I asked, of course, for the line to be switched on again but was told this is not possible and I would be updated (just updated mark you, not transferred and connected) on 16^th August.

•                     I asked if there was anyone in charge I could talk to and was told I could write to someone called Warren Buckley or something similar, I think.  I said it was more urgent than that and was told a manager would call me back on my mobile within the hour.  He/she didn't.

•                     Just after 4.00 pm I called again and spoke to another sympathetic and helpful girl who said she would do her best to arrange for the service to be switched back on sometime Monday (although transferring the line would still not happen till at least the 16^th) and would call me back to let me know how she got on.  She didn't. 

Monday 29^th July

•                     I spoke to a more useful sort of guy who set us up a temporary phone number to our house and suggested I get a dongle for temporary internet access.

•                     As it happens I had a radio interview arranged for this day to be conducted over the 'phone and as I had to use my mobile with less than perfect reception the interview was cut from fifteen minutes to five. 

Tuesday 30^th July

•                     I spent the day at the home of a good friend willing to let me take over her internet connection for several hours contacting people saying that I would be out of action for day or two till I got a dongle.  Sadly this information was wrong.  My friend lives 16 miles away so this is not something I can do frequently especially as I don't drive.

Wednesday 31^st July

•                     I tried to get a dongle but without success as all suppliers say there is not sufficient reception where I live - PL26 7YH.

•                     Although the account is actually in my name, as I was getting so very upset by this stage, my partner then rang 0800 800 150 and spoke to a girl in Durham who said we could cancel the order and have our old number back with 48 hours,  We could then rearrange the transfer for a later date. This seemed the best answer since I need the internet as soon as possible so, to enable us to do this, she said she'd transfer us to the correct department but unfortunately it was a wrong number!   

•                     He re-dialled and got to talk to a guy in India who didn't really understand what he was saying but eventually decided he couldn't do what we were asking and indeed said no-one in India could deal with this problem and he couldn't transfer us to anyone who could. 

•                     We tried again - same result. 

•                     Third time lucky-ish he got a Scots guy who refused to say where he was but at least they understood each other.  After about half an hour of explanations and discussion he came up with the information that he couldn't deal with it - we needed to speak to Open Reach.  He said he was transferring us to ....

•                     ... Open Reach, their Indian office, who after about 10 minutes pondering decided to transfer us to ...

•                     ... Open Reach in Warrington I think  My partner went through the whole thing again, phone number, order number, address, what the problem is, etc. etc and they had a long chat and she was so helpful he asked to have her direct number in case he needed to speak to her again but she said there was no direct number. She did say, however, that in her opinion cancelling the order was not the right thing to do as it would take until at least Monday 5^th August to reconnect and probably take our internet provider another 5 working days to reconnect us.  She also said there was no guarantee that we would get our original number back. 

•                     He was then transferred to Order Management in India, the guy's English was not very good and he kept saying he would "do something to make" my partner speak to his supervisor which eventually he did.

•                     The supervisor asked for my partner's name, Paul Clementson, and thereafter referred to him as Mr. Poll!   Asked if it would be possible to speed up the procedure and transfer the line within the next few days he said "no".

Thursday 1^st August

I posted the above in a letter to the BT Correspondence Centre at an address given to me by one of the friendly folk above.

Saturday 3^rd August

I received the following text ...

"Hello - this is a message from BT. This is to confirm we will contact you 20/08/13 by 20.00 to discuss the delay in activation of your services.  There is no need to contact us as we will not be able to provide you with any more information.  Thank you. Sender 2123001"

As you see they will call me on 20^th August to "discuss the delay in activation of your services" but I may have self destructed with sheer rage and frustration by then!

So far we have spoken to about 12 different people being held in line over and over again for about 20 minutes per time, repeatedly giving all the details and telling our story.  In the end we heard so many different versions of what could or should happen that we don't know what to believe. 

The road we live on is fairly busy but nothing out of the ordinary just a single carriageway main road through a village in Cornwall, the telegraph pole is on our side of the road directly outside the house, the line needs to be extended for a few yards down our garden.  We own both properties. 

I am now going to contact everyone I can possibly think of that may be able to help.  If you have any ideas please ... WHAT?  I suppose comment and I'll ask a friend to keep an eye on this blog for me.  Also perhaps tweeting or posting on FB might help at least spread the word about BT's appalling service.

HELP!

PS.  Sorry for being so moany and thank you for your comments so far. xx